Wednesday, August 10, 2011

over-analzying a restless night


I have trouble sleeping most nights.  Though my body begs for rest, my mind never wants to accept it.  Tonight is another one of those nights.  I've been trying to be better at sleeping, really I have.  Instead of staying up until 6am, I'll force my mind to shut down around 2 or 3.  I'll lay in my bed thinking about everything, yet thinking about absolutely nothing.  It's a wild phenomena that occurs in those moments before sleep sets in, and it mystifies me.

Tonight I lay here listening to a playlist made up of Bon Iver and Elliot Smith, trying to coerce myself into a relaxed state, but all I can think about is what I think about before I sleep...if that makes any sense.  So, naturally, I had to blog about it.

I believe I'm hesitant to sleep because I'm afraid of the dreams I'll have.  I'm a very vivid dreamer, and my non-commital self doesn't want to wake with the responsibility of remembering these dreams in the morning.  I worry about the puzzles my mind will try to solve the next morning, the over-analzying of the familiar faces I see.  Many shrug them off as just miscellaneous conjures of the mind, but I am the one who wishes to constantly wonder "What does it mean?"

The other night, as I lay sleepless on an air mattress in Atlanta, surrounded by irritating static, it occurred to me that the lullabies of our youth have been replaced by the glow of a television/computer screen.  Is this how far we have evolved? I noted how I often ache for simplicity, yet barely remember what exactly it is that I yearn for.

I want to lay here, and think of something to dream about.  A scenario, a person, a memory, but nothing is coming to me, and for some reason that breaks my heart.  The nothingness isn't luring me to sleep.  I use my thoughts as a crutch, as helpful guides leading me in to the wanderings of my mind, and without them I am left to figure sleep out on my own.

Wish me luck, for in a few moments I'm closing my laptop, along with my eyes, and giving sleep yet another chance to steal me away for a few hours.  I can only hope that through writing these thoughts my journey to a peaceful slumber is slightly eased.

4 comments:

  1. just some sleep advice for you. laptops actually keep you awake, something to do with the electricity. maybe shut it down at night time and any other electronic items. also buy some chamomile tea, its very good.. makes you drowsy. no harm drinking it either. calms you down. have a hot shower before bed, the temperature change will help your body to sleep. xxxxxx also write out your thoughts and worries before bed. xx

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  2. Awww, honey, I hope you get some sleep soon! I find that red wine makes me super sleepy, so I will drink a glass before falling asleep sometimes. Also, reading in bed is good for helping your brain to focus on quiet time, as opposed to laptops or tv which can be overstimulating. Whenever I have trouble falling asleep, it is always comforting if I look out my window and see someone else's lights on somewhere, or listen to traffic outside, and it helps me remember that I'm not the only one who is awake, hehe.

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  3. Bon Iver is always a pleasure to have on those kinds of restless nights.

    Have you heard of his version of "I Can't Make You Love Me" It literally makes your heart melt and shed a little tear or two.

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  4. Bon Iver is always a pleasure to have as company during those restless nights.

    Have you heard of his version of "I Can't Make You Love Me"

    It will literally make your heart melt...and shed a little tear or two. If not, here's my little post about it and the recording of it!

    Enjoy! http://simplymelissaashley.blogspot.com/2011/07/c-melissa-vega-im-still-believer.html

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